Funny Marriage Sayings Quotes

Dedicated to married couples  and soon to be married, please relax and funny marriage sayings quotes …

“In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.” -Woody Allen.

“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.” -Rodney Dangerfield.

Marriage is a relationship in which one is always right and the other is the husband

“Ah, yes, divorce…from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” -Robin Williams.

“A married man should forget his mistakes; no use two people remembering the same thing.” -Duane Dewel.

If you were my husband, I would poison your coffee, If you were my wife. I would drink it !

“When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.” -Helen Rowland

“Eighty percent of married men cheat in America… The rest cheat in Europe.” -Jackie Mason

“Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel.” -Leonardo Di Vinci.

“I’m the only man in the world with a marriage license made out to whom it may concern.” -Mickey Rooney.

“I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” -Rodney Dangerfield.

“The difference between divorce and legal separation is that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.” -Johnny Carson

“Marriage is a wonderful invetion … THen again so is a puncture repair kit ” – Billy Connolly

Maybe we should make “straight marriage” illegal. It doesn’t seem to have a very high success rate.

If you are wrong and you shut up, you are wise. If you are right and shut up, you are married.

“I don’t think I’ll get married again. I’ll just find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.” -Lewis Grizzard.

Marriage is having someone who will die for you if you don’t kill them first.