A post from: funny quotes and sayings

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
********
3. When people say “Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too”. pupusas right! What good is cake if you can’t eat it?
********

4. When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you’ve found it?
********

5. When people say while watching a film “did you see that?” No Loser, I paid Rs.125 to come to the cinema and stare at the pupusas floor.
********

6. People who ask “Can I ask you a question?”…. Didn’t really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
********

7. When something is ‘new and improved!’ Which is it? If it’s new, then there has never been anything before it. If it’s an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn’t be new.
********

8. When people say “life is short”. What the hell?? Life is the longest pupusas thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that’s longer?
********

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks “Has the bus come yet? ” If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

A smile is a light in the window of the soul, indicating that the heart is at home.

If you are ever in doubt as to whether to kiss a pretty girl, always give her the benefit of the doubt.

I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.

Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance.

After being disappointed so many times, you start to lose hope in everything.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

Common sense is not a gift, its a punishment. Because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it

Things I’m good at: pushing people away, sleeping, screwing everything up, forgetting to text back

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?

I need a girl whose name doesn’t end in .JPG

My boss asked me to start the presentation with a joke. I attached payslip on the first slide…………

Making some changes to my life. Please leave a message and in case I don’t get back, then know that you are one of the changes.

Never laugh at your wife’s choices… You are one of them ….

Never gamble what you ccan’t afford to lose ……

A mother makes her son “gentle” in 20 years….. But a girl makes him “mental” in 20 minutes…

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“In times of great stress or adversity, it’s always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive.” – Lee Iacocca

“Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean.” – Maya Angelou

“Man should forget his anger before he lies down to sleep.” – Mohandas Gandhi

“When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.” – Mark Twain

“Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman
scorned.” – William Congreve

“You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger.” – Buddha

“Anyone can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person at the right time and for the right purpose and in the right way – that is not within everyone’s power and that is not easy.” – Aristotle

When I felt miserable, I ran fast and far until my body hurt so much that I no longer cared about anything else.

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

“The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” – Lucille Ball

“Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it.” – Confucius

“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean.” – Maya Angelou

“Man should forget his anger before he lies down to sleep.” – Mohandas Gandhi

“I’m tired of all the nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want – an adorable pancreas?” – Jean Kerr

“Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable, and remove yourself from the unacceptable.” –  Denis Waitley

“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” – James Baldwin

“It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.” – Mark Twain

“Our death is not an end if we can live on in our children and the younger generation. For they are us, our bodies are only wilted leaves on the tree of life.” – Albert Einstein

“It is possible to store the mind with a million facts and still be entirely uneducated.” – Alec Bourne

Let us sacrifice our today so that our children can have a better tomorrow.

“The sole equality on earth is death.” - Philip James Bailey

Always forgive your enemies;nothing annoys them so much.

Great dreams of great dreamers are always transcended.

“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without
accepting it.” - Aristotle

The biggest adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams. – Oprah Winfrey

A post from: funny quotes and sayings