A post from: funny quotes and sayings

- Have you ever slept with a firefighter ? Want to ?

- Here’s the key to my house, my car and my heart …

- If i was God I’d make the world revolve around you.

- When i say i cleaned my room I usually mean, I made a path from my door to my bed.

-Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you would be guilty as charged…

- I will show you my immovable rod if you show me your portable hole !

- Hello i am not available.

- If you are my mother, i am busy trying to find a job so i can continue to support myself

- If you are my girlfriend/boyfriend, i am busy charging my phone after the two hour conversation with u

- If you are my room mate, i am busy stalling so youlll have to end up paying rent

- If you are my counseller, i am busy crying in my room

- If you are my parole officer trying to locate me, i am busy saving the bank tellers trouble by taking all the money so they don’t have to worry about any other thieves coming in.

- If you are a prank caller don’t bother calling again or else you want to sit in a circle with my mom, possibly my room mate, my counseller and my parole officer with a broken nose

- Being cheesy is the key say, ” do you come here often, and kiss me if you’ve heard that one before

- If you were a laser you’d be set on stunning.

- Your clothes look good.. at the foot of my bed.

- Did it hurt? You know, ascending from Hell’s depths.

- You look pretty. Pretty good at kissing.

- You remind me of my big toe,because i am going to bang you on every piece of furniture i own!

- Can you give me a coin ,i told my mom i would call her as soon as i see the girl of my dreams.

- ”Excuse me, do you know how much a polar bear weighs?” No. ”Enough to break the ice! _______.”

- ”Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by you again?”

- ”I want to tell you your fortune.” Take her hand and write your phone number on it. “There’s your future.”

- ”Can you kiss me on the cheek so I can at least say a cute girl kissed me tonight?” – That would probably work on me cause i would definitely smile

- You say “You look just like my first wife” she says “How many times have you been married?” you say “never”.

- A man walked into the doctor’s the doctor said I haven’t seen you in a long time, The man replied, ‘I know I have been ill’

- Would you help me look for my lost dog ? I think he ran into that cheap motel room….

- Are your legs tired, because you have been running through my mind all day long……

- Are you on FACEBOOK ? because i would definitely click LIKE

A post from: funny quotes and sayings