A post from: funny quotes and sayings

Works well in a classroom or seminar setting.

Proof by forward reference:

Reference is usually to a forthcoming paper of the author, which is often not as forthcoming as at first.

Proof by funding:

How could three different government agencies be wrong?

Proof by example:

The author gives only the case n = 2 and suggests that it contains most of the ideas of the general proof.

Proof by omission:

“The reader may easily supply the details” or “The other 253 cases are analogous”
Proof by deferral:

“We’ll prove this later in the course”.

Proof by picture:

A more convincing form of proof by example. Combines well with proof by omission.

Proof by intimidation:

“Trivial.”

Proof by adverb:

“As is quite clear, the elementary aforementioned statement is obviously valid.”

Proof by seduction:

“Convince yourself that this is true! ”

Proof by cumbersome notation:

Best done with access to at least four alphabets and special symbols.

Proof by exhaustion:

An issue or two of a journal devoted to your proof is useful.

Proof by obfuscation:

A long plotless sequence of true and/or meaningless syntactically related statements.

Proof by wishful citation:

The author cites the negation, converse, or generalization of a theorem from the literature to support his claims.

Proof by eminent authority:

“I saw Karp in the elevator and he said it was probably NP- complete.”

Proof by personal communication:

“Eight-dimensional colored cycle stripping is NP-complete [Karp, personal communication].”

Proof by reduction to the wrong problem:

“To see that infinite-dimensional colored cycle stripping is decidable, we reduce it to the halting problem.”

Proof by reference to inaccessible literature:

The author cites a simple corollary of a theorem to be found in a privately circulated memoir of the Slovenian Philological Society, 1883.

Proof by importance:

A large body of useful consequences all follow from the proposition in question.

Proof by accumulated evidence:

Long and diligent search has not revealed a counterexample.

Proof by cosmology:

The negation of the proposition is unimaginable or meaningless. Popular for proofs of the existence of God.

Proof by mutual reference:

In reference A, Theorem 5 is said to follow from Theorem 3 in reference B, which is shown to follow from Corollary 6.2 in reference C, which is an easy consequence of Theorem 5 in reference A.

Proof by metaproof:

A method is given to construct the desired proof. The correctness of the method is proved by any of these techniques.

Proof by vehement assertion:

It is useful to have some kind of authority relation to the audience.

Proof by ghost reference:

Nothing even remotely resembling the cited theorem appears in the reference given.

Proof by semantic shift:

Some of the standard but inconvenient definitions are changed for the statement of the result.

Proof by appeal to intuition:

Cloud-shaped drawings frequently help here.

Source of this funny ways to prove things (funny math jokes) via http://www.math.utah.edu/~cherk/mathjokes.html

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

- Have you ever slept with a firefighter ? Want to ?

- Here’s the key to my house, my car and my heart …

- If i was God I’d make the world revolve around you.

- When i say i cleaned my room I usually mean, I made a path from my door to my bed.

-Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you would be guilty as charged…

- I will show you my immovable rod if you show me your portable hole !

- Hello i am not available.

- If you are my mother, i am busy trying to find a job so i can continue to support myself

- If you are my girlfriend/boyfriend, i am busy charging my phone after the two hour conversation with u

- If you are my room mate, i am busy stalling so youlll have to end up paying rent

- If you are my counseller, i am busy crying in my room

- If you are my parole officer trying to locate me, i am busy saving the bank tellers trouble by taking all the money so they don’t have to worry about any other thieves coming in.

- If you are a prank caller don’t bother calling again or else you want to sit in a circle with my mom, possibly my room mate, my counseller and my parole officer with a broken nose

- Being cheesy is the key say, ” do you come here often, and kiss me if you’ve heard that one before

- If you were a laser you’d be set on stunning.

- Your clothes look good.. at the foot of my bed.

- Did it hurt? You know, ascending from Hell’s depths.

- You look pretty. Pretty good at kissing.

- You remind me of my big toe,because i am going to bang you on every piece of furniture i own!

- Can you give me a coin ,i told my mom i would call her as soon as i see the girl of my dreams.

- ”Excuse me, do you know how much a polar bear weighs?” No. ”Enough to break the ice! _______.”

- ”Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by you again?”

- ”I want to tell you your fortune.” Take her hand and write your phone number on it. “There’s your future.”

- ”Can you kiss me on the cheek so I can at least say a cute girl kissed me tonight?” – That would probably work on me cause i would definitely smile

- You say “You look just like my first wife” she says “How many times have you been married?” you say “never”.

- A man walked into the doctor’s the doctor said I haven’t seen you in a long time, The man replied, ‘I know I have been ill’

- Would you help me look for my lost dog ? I think he ran into that cheap motel room….

- Are your legs tired, because you have been running through my mind all day long……

- Are you on FACEBOOK ? because i would definitely click LIKE

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

- Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you riding through the ruts, don’t complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don’t bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality. Wake Up and Live!

- A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new. - Albert Einstein

- Hatred eats at the soul of the hater, not the hated.  -Alice Herz Sommer

- Goodness had nothing to do with it, dear. -Mae West

- What other people think of you is none of your business -Ben Franklin

- As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. -King Solomon

-Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. – Mark Twain

- A sure cure for sea sickness is to sit under a tree. – Spike Milligan

- Accept what you can not change, but change what you do not accept.

- “If it wasn’t for bad luck……I’d have no luck at all!”

- ”Genius Is One Percent Inspiration, Ninety-Nine Percent Perspiration” – Thomas Alva Edison

- “Knowing Is Not Enough, We Must Apply. Willing Is Not Enough, We Must Do” – Bruce Lee

- Confucius say’s that Naked man at Airport is probably going to Bangkok

- Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication – Leonardo Da Vinci

- Of all the things I lost I miss my mind the most. - Ozzie Osbourne

- ”Here is my hand. Here is my heart!” – My father.

- I forgot the exact saying but it was very memorable.

- The less you know, the better

- Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. – Albert Einstein

- Live as if it is the last day of your life – Mahatma Gandhi

- Life is too short not to create something with every breath we draw -Maynard James Keenan (also known as Puscifer)

- Most people learn from their own mistakes.. Smart people learn from other peoples mistakes..

- Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you riding through the ruts, don’t complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don’t bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality. Wake Up and Live!  -Bob Marley

- A closed mouth gathers no foot.

- To Alcohol! The cause of… and solution to… all of life’s problems. - Homer Simpson

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

- Life is not a movie but sometimes I just wish it is… I could just edit some parts

- Women are completely defenseless…. until the nailpolish is dry

- Do not underestimate yourself by comparing yourself with others. It’s our differences that make us unique and beautiful.

- Only three types of people tell the truth: Kids, the drunk person and the angry..

- Of a rascal and a serpent, the serpent is the better of the two, for he strikes only at the time he is destined to kill, while the former at every step — Chanakya

- Don’t break anybody’s heard, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206….

- ”Life is like a piano, the white keys represent happiness and the black show sadness. But as you go through life’s journey, remember that the black keys also create music.”

- Don’t wait for someone to bring you flowers. Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul.

- ”The problem with the world is taht the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.” – Charles Bukowski

- Never try to dominate the one who says sorry to you for their mistake. Becasue, they understand, you are more important than their Ego

- Don’t fear the enemy that attacks you, but the fake friend that hugs you….

- When we destroy something created by man, we call it VANDALISM. But when we destroy something by nature, we call it PROGRESS. – Ed Begley JR

- An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. WHen life is dragging you back with difficulties, just imagine that its going to launch you into something great

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

- A POOR man says, “To see is to believe…” But a RICH man says, “Believe it & you will see it!!!”

- Its weird but must admit that, The last drop of pee always falls on underwear. FZFP6F8TFD2B

- You can’t hug yourself. You can’t cry on your own shoulder. Life is all about living for one another, so live with those who love you most.

- Think Thousand times before takina a decision But- After taking decision never turn back even if you get Thousand difficulties!!

- In life, think of mean people like sand paper. They may scratch you and hurt you, but at the end, you come out smooth and polished and the mean person is just worn and ugly.”

- Nothing is this world comes easy. You have to work to make things happen.

- “The whole point of being alive is to evolve into the complete person you were intended to be.”- Oprah

- Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions…. Sometimes the special occasion is that you’ve got a bottle of wine in the fridge….

- Rock Bottom became a solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

- Omg Omg ..my iphone battery is low …how am I suppose to go to the toilet ….:) new age new problem

- Never burn bridges. Today’s junior jerk, tomorrow’s senior partner.” – Sigourney Weaver

- The secret of business is to know something that nobody else knows. – Aristotle Onassis

- Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. – George Bernard Shaw

- Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up cause they are looking for ideas. – Paula Poundstone

- Children have never been very good at listening to their elder, but they have never failed to imitate them. – James Baldwin

- Pretty much all the honest truth telling in the world is done by children. – Oliver Wendell Holmes

- Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them. – Bruce Lee

- As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so a life well spent bring happy death. – Leonardo da Vinci

- Life is not divided into semesters. you don’t get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. – Bill Gates

- Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death. – Alber Einstein

- The only rock i know that stays stead, the only institution I know that works is the family – Lee Iacocca

- Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. – George Burns

- Love is friendship, set on fire. – Jeremey Taylor

- Its not lack of love, but lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages. – Friedrich Nietzsche

Money won’t create success. The freedom to make it will. – Nelson Mandela

Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but its reasonably close to oxygen on the ‘gotta have it’ scale. – Zig Ziglar

- THe only way not to think about money is to have a great deal of it. – Edith Wharton

- All of life’s riddles are answered in the movies. – steve Martin

- Shoot a few scenes out of focus. I want to win the foreign film award. -Billy Wilder

- Life is one grand, sweet song so start the music. – Ronald Reagan

- I don’t know anything about music. In my line you don’t have to. – Elvis Presley

- Music is a safe kind of high. – Jimi Hendrix.

- Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently. – Henry Ford

- We didn’t lose the game, we just ran out of time. – Vince Lombardi

- The breakfast of champions is not cereal, its the opposition.

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

Keep yourself updated with more funny quotes and sayings ……

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

* What a beautiful morning … the sun is shining, the birds are singing. Now where is that fast-forward button to 5 pm?

* It is something like shooting birds in the dark in a country where there are only a few birds, I see no God up here

* Intelligence is creative mind not extensive memory..

* Yells a man, it is dynamic. Shouts a woman, it’s hysterical. – Hildegard Knef

* Some relations are like TOM & JERRY. They tease eacho ther but can’t live without each other.

* Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

* Nagging is a more of a universal trait or rather a tool of women to hone their men to their taste.

* A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts

* when you are down and out, drag somebody else, along with you

* Forgive Your enemies but never forget their names

* The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

* Love is a serious mental illness. – Plato

*That’s life: sometimes you lose, sometimes the others win. 

* He who says A must, not a pound. He can also recognize that A was wrong.  - Bertolt Brecht

* Who does not have bad habits, probably has no personality. – William Faulkner

* Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils

* Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

* Flying is learnin ghow to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

* What you call do with no legs ? Don’t matter what you call him, he ain’t gonna come.

* Everyone needs to belive in something. I believe I will have another beer.

* A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

* Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares ? He is a mile away and you’ve got his shoes.

* I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life, they have shown me exactly who I do not want to be.

* Ideal for weddings are pierced men. You have experience with pain and are familiar with it, to buy jewelry. – Gabi Köster

* “If wrinkles must be written upon our brow, let them not be written upon the heart. The spirit should not grow old.”

* “If you think you know what the hell is going on, you’re probably full of ~love~.”

* If a man expects his Woman to be an angel in this life, Then he should first create Heaven for her.

* It takes two years to learn to speak, fifty to learn to be silent. – Ernest Hemingway

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A post from: funny quotes and sayings

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

* Try not to become a man of success but a man of value

* The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams

* A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life.

* Age is whatever you think it is. You are as old as you think you are.

* Hating people because of their color is wrong. And it doesn’t matter which color does the hating. It’s just plain wrong.

* He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.

* Life is a gamble. You can get hurt, but people die in plane crashes, lose their arms and legs in car accidents; people die every day. Same with fighters: some die, some get hurt, some go on. You just don’t let yourself believe it will happen to you.

* Only a man who knows what it is like to be defeated can reach down to the bottom of his soul and come up with the extra ounce of power it takes to win when the match is even.

* Belief is the death of intelligence. As soon as one believes a doctrine of any sort, or assumes certitude, one stops thinking about that aspect of existence.

* It only takes 20 years for a liberal to become a conservative without changing a single idea.

* What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us..

* The Bible tells us to be like God, and then on page after page it describes God as a mass murderer. This may be the single most important key to the political behavior of Western Civilization.

* Intelligence is the capacity to receive, decode and transmit information efficiently. Stupidity is blockage of this process at any point. Bigotry, ideologies etc. block the ability to receive; robotic reality-tunnels block the ability to decode or integrate new signals; censorship blocks transmission.

* I think I got off on the wrong planet. Beam me up Scotty, there’s no rational life here.

* You must be the change you wish to see in the world

* You can do anything, but not everything. —David Allen

* We are all here for some special reason. Stop being a prisoner of your past. Become the architect of your future.

I hope you’ve enjoyed best of funny life quotes to live by … Please keep coming back for more updates on best funny quotes to live by .. I will be updating this post time to time…

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

1. You cannot make Omlets without breaking the eggs.
2. Come to my parlour said the spider to the fly
3. A dog kennel is no place to hide a sausage
4. You can never unscramble eggs.
5. Fattest pigs go to the butcher first.
6. All that comes from a cow is not milk.
7. This shot was as sweet as tooti frooti!
8. Great feathers make great birds!
9. My idea of a bird is 36-24-36.
10. As innocent as freshly laid eggs.
11. A good lather is half the shave
12. As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine.
13. A girl born beautiful is half married
14. There is always free cheese in a mousetrap
15. Nobody travels on the road to success without a puncture or two.
16. The cat with gloves catches no mice.
17. Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.
18. Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide.
19. You got to choose between tightening your belt or losing your pants.
20. You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.
21. He is like a one-legged man in a bum kicking competition.
22. It is very difficult to kill a man who is hell bent on committing suicide!
23. When you are dining with the demons, you’ve got to have a long spoon!
24. All that comes from a cow is not milk!
25. Just because a rose smells sweet, you do not use it in the soup!
26. Humility is like an underwear. You have to wear it but should not show it
27. If “ifs and buts” were “pots and pans”, there would be no tinkers
28. Gamblers they Are like Toilets BROKE one Day Flush The Next

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

A post from: funny quotes and sayings

- Sex and alcohol, it fuels the desire but kills the performance…!!!

- Trust is like a paper once it’s crumpled it can’t be perfect again…

- You never realize what you have till its gone ..Toilet paper is a good example.

- People are made to be loved and things are made to be used. The confusion comes when people are used and things are loved.

- At any given moment you have the power to say this is not how the story is going to end.

- If you live your life fully, you will die only once. But if you are scared of every step, fear will kill you day after day. – Paulo coetho.

quotes about life

- ”Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”- Buddha

- When people ask dumb questions, I feel obligated to give sarcastic answers.

- A Jealous woman does better investigation than the FBI

- Give a man a gun, and he can rob a bank. Give a man a bank, and he can rob the world.

- Be happy infront of people who don’t like you, it kills them

- I once had a life… THen some idiot came and told me to make a FACEBOOK account !!

- Don’t take me for granted, because unlike others, I am not afraid to walk away.

- I come up with the best ideas when sitting on the toilet then forget them after the flush.

- You don’t need to attend every argument you are invited to.

- When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am getting old … … … … … … …. … … … … … … … … … …… … … … … … …. … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …. … …… … … … … … …. … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …. … …… … … … … … …. … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …. … …I know that it is.

- “Power corrupts. Knowledge is power. Study hard. Be evil.”

- Don’t drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink.

- ”Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.”

- “It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.”

- Criticizing is easy, art is difficult

- You can pick your own nose, but u cant pick yours friends nose

- I found life’s answers in my room; The fan said be cool. The roof said aim high. The window said see the world. The clock said every minute is precious. The mirror said reflect before you act. The calender said be up to date. The door said push hard for your goals & the carpet said kneel down and pray..

- We stopped checking for monsters under our bed because we realized they were within us.

Keep look out for more updates on funny quotes on life via thefunnyquotessayings.com

A post from: funny quotes and sayings